#certainly i didnt know it was something i could possibly be

[abbyslev]

papamin finding out you and yuuji are dating

a/n: THIS WAS SO CITE TO WRITE MY HEART

nanamis first time dressing you up was for a corporate christmas party.

he called his mother, asking for advice. eventually, his neighbor who so happened to be a kind lady with kids around your age helped you. after a few lessons, he learned. from them on, he dressed you up, doing your hair.

nanami didnt believe in leaving you behind, bringing you to every party and event he possibly could. something about you having him by his side, plus you kept everyone entertained, always telling them about how your daddy was a superhero and that he’s a hard worker.

-

nanami’s last time dressing you up was your formal dance.

he zipped your black dress up, moving your hair back into place. you turned around, waddling in front of your mirror. “what do you think?” you place your hands on your hips, cheesing. “i think you look beautiful, hun. as always.” he smiled at you. three quick knocks echoed through your home. “i’ll get it.” nanami left the room quickly before he started tearing up.

it long after, itadori bursted into your room, flowers in his hand. pink, the same shade as his hair. “these are for you!” he handed them to you, politely bowing. “thank you.” you hug him. “hey, you got a haircut!” you run your hands through his somewhat combed through hair.

god, you two were not beating the dating allegations. (that were very true, but you were terrified of your father finding out you were dating itadori.)

“do you like it?” “love it.” “i love your dress, black is your color.” “thanks!” you blushed. nanami cleared his throat. “sorry, nanamin!” itadori turned red, facing him. “photos?” nanami pulled out his phone. “you know it!” you grinned. itadori placed his hand in a respectable place, his grin wide and cheese flushed.

nanami took a couple, before turning around and taking a surprise selfie. “beat you to it.” he chuckled. “it’s okay, i got you earlier and you didn’t even know it.” you stuck your tongue out.

“alright. let’s get going, you two. be back before curfew and have lots of fun, okay?” nanami waved the both of you off. “yes, dad. i love you!” “love you, hun.” he watched as your and itadori made it down the stairs.

-

“that was a lot of fun. i wish jujustu had more dances.”

“oh, for sure. i didn’t even get to show you all of mine!” itadori laughed. “thanks for walking me back.” you leaned against his shoulder. “not a problem.” he blushed. the boys dorm wasn’t far from the mentors homes, anyway.

“i’ll see you tomorrow at training. and thanks for the shoes by the way.” you scratch your neck. itadori had taken his shoes off and tried his best to tie them tight after your heels had given you blisters. “no problem, anything for you.” he took the key to your house, opening the door.

“i love you.” itadori leaned down, giving you a quick kiss. “you be safe. don’t be late, i love you.” you waved him off, grinning from ear to ear.

“well, you certainly didn’t tell me you had a lover.” “dad!” you jumped up high, hand over your chest. there you stood, lipstick smudged and itadori’s suit jacket over you, with his huge shoes on your feet. nanami stared in confusion. “my feet hurt. and i got cold.”

nanami pointed at his lips, eyebrows furrowed. “oh.” you covered your lips. “im just messing with you. you two aren’t so secretive as you think.” nanami laughed. that was the day nanami realized you weren’t his little girl anymore.

[muffinsin]

hi hello hola bonjour aloha 😵😵😵😵

OKOKOK SOOOOOOO ........ i know this request is weird BUUUUTTTT could u maybe possibly do the dimitrescus being with someone (as in, having an s/o) thats a humanoid arachnid??? If im spelling that correctly? rahhh idk

like, imagine those spider-people with like, agile spider legs on their back, sharp fangs, multiple, red/purple/gray eyes, dark fluffy hair, red/purple/other markings, etc etc. I think it would be funny since theyre literally flies dating a spider .. which eats flies

u can use doctor octavius as reference for the spider leg placement if u didnt understand, or like, angel dust??? Its up to ur interpertation, really, but id prefer if they did have normal human legs .. and features .. since a giant spider with a human head feels unnatural .. giggle, giggle

AS ALWAYS!!! take care!!!!!! Make sure to take breaks inbetween requests!!!!!

WITH MUCH LOVE AND LESBIANISM 😈😈😈😈 (the gayness directed at the dimitrescus .. not u, becauze .. i dunno u .. and thats weird)

-- 🐾🧃, AKA JUNGLE JUICE 👽👽👽

Piece out! (Not peace, i require violence)

Hell yeah!!🙌 Funnily enough, I think there was once talk of an arachnoid reader on this blog, but the idea got lost somewhere. I���m happy to dive back into it now!👀 Let’s get into it!

Masterlists

Bela

What started out as a sudden introduction in the forest, soon became more

Back then already, Bela was- unsurprisingly- intrigued by you

After all, your appearance alone is enough to make most double check whether they saw right

And she was certainly no better

Though, at the very least you did the same then, not quite believing you ran into one of the infamous Dimitrescu daughters

During your first interaction, time almost stood still as the two of you inspected one another-

you, standing in place when you ran just moments ago,

Bela, stilled with her sickle held in her hand, as though frozen like a deer in the headlights upon running across you

- it was a cute moment, even, in itself. Both of you, stunned by each other

Where you saw a pair of strong, piercing golden eyes, she saw multiple pairs of eyes

You watched then as she studied them almost, her own flickering across your face

The two eyes at the center of your face, human-looking in every aspect but their colour

A dark grey, she originally thought

In time, she would find and adore the specks of red and purple in them, only found upon closer inspection. But more of that later

Then, more eyes, stretching across the side of your forehead almost

5 of them, some more slit than others, some smaller, some larger

She shivered at the sight, but even you saw the curiosity shimmer within her back then already

It was clear to both of you that neither was mortal. Not entirely so, at least

Where you saw her regal, almost gothic and Victorian dress and the sickle, she spotted torn clothing

A villager, or at the very least that’s what you used to be

Only was your clothing torn and almost webbed shut again, the strings keeping your cloths together so fine they couldn’t possibly be any fabric or wool

While her fingers held the sickle tight, your long ones moved slightly, as if restless

More things were apparent immediately, such as,

Your long, strong legs allowing you to stand tall, nearly the same as Bela

Something unusual, certainly

And then, of course, the other pair

The strong, somewhat thin pair of arms or legs- Bela could never quite tell- sprouting from your back

The fuzzy, dark hair falling down your shoulders and back, a little too untrimmed, a little too wild for even the villagers’ standards

And the strange marks stretching across your bare arms

Neither of you attacked one another, then

In fact, neither of you moved, until the sounds of the angry mob of villagers faded away

You don’t entirely remember most of what happened after, only remember begging her to take you with her

Despite its reputation, you knew working and living at the castle must be better than starving out at the forest

And, holding the same curiosity in her tone, she agreed and took you in

Only were you no mere staff member, dusting this and that

You were Bela’s favorite

And everyone knew

You worked for her only, didn’t take orders from even the head maiden

The two of you spent more and more time together, chatting and sharing bits and pieces of yourselves

Your- nature- certainly made your work more challenging and fun

As such, at times, you would hold onto the walls with the limbs stemming from your back and climb high to the ceiling to dust even the top of the shelves

Often- surprisingly often given how busy she was- Bela opted to join you

Not in cleaning, of course. You’re sure she thinks it’s below her

Instead, she’d often- and still does- swarm halfway, as if sleeping on an invisible mattress in the air

She’d watch you work, talk occasionally

At other times, she’d trace your limbs gently when no words were exchanged

And, unsurprisingly, the ever growing bond and fondness between the two of you leads to something more

While Bela was the first to initiate things, you proudly claimed the first kiss from her

Upon being in a relationship, she found out more about you still

Like the sharp fangs in your mouth, which she loves to trace and feel dig into her skin

She loves the webs you spin, her fingertips occasionally dragging against the light silk

Sometimes, a fly of hers gets stuck

That, she loves less

And still, you always take care of the little insects, ensuring they won’t be trapped in some of the smaller webs you leave

At times, you quite intentionally web her, your spidery silk-like web trapping her arms above her head, her body fondled by the many limbs you possess….

Alas, we’re trailing off, but of course, your nature, body, and abilities are appreciated in all aspects

The bedroom being one of them, too

Though, Bela loves nothing more than cuddling up together, too

Especially when held in your arms, all of them wrapped tightly around her

It’s perfect to her, and often a blanket or two will be thrown in the mix in winter

Once, you suggested wrapping her up in your webs to keep her warm, which she quickly shut down

You learn, she doesn’t like feeling like prey, dislikes the feeling of being stuck like…well, a fly in a web

Speaking of, insects are strictly off the menu for you

That doesn’t mean she doesn’t encourage you to hunt, though

Often, you spin your webs at the forest surrounding the castle, hoping to bring back a catch that might earn you the favor of her younger sisters and mother

At other times, Bela all but swoons when you trap a particularly delicious maid and deliver her to her as a snack

Still, there is one thing that amuses you to no end…

She loved you, wholeheartedly. And she loved your arachnoid nature, too. She loves every bit of you

So you can’t explain to yourself why your partner is so terribly scared of spiders

The small critters truly do a number on her, prompting screams and shrill squeals, shivers and so on

Always, you ensure there are no spiders in the castle. No webs but your own

…Your lovely girlfriend and her sisters, suffering from arachnophobia

The thought always makes you giggle

Cassandra

Looking back, you can hardly believe your luck

Not only did you survive Mother Miranda’s experimenting, the depths of the village, the infamous basement of castle Dimitrescu and its residents, but also wooed one of them

Having Cassandra sleeping soundly on top of you, your limbs wrapped around her, you allow yourself to think of how you first met

Her eyes, a dark golden light in the dark, piercing you the very same day you were sent to the castle basements

And it seems, you awakened curiosity within the sadist

Of course, a being like you would

Something so rare, someone so unique

While you were originally made to be her newest plaything, a failed experiment handed over, Cassandra had no interest in killing you

Not that this stopped her light torture

Though, looking back, you can’t help but giggle. Even then she showed you affection in her twisted ways

Like when she’d stroke a dagger along your limbs, the touch strong and grounding, her breath fast

She has always been so very curious about you

Your eyes are her favorite part of you

She loves how unsettling they look

Sometimes, she whines; she wants to pluck them from you so very badly, to hold and kiss, to preserve and carry with her always

You have learned to understand and love her twisted affection, her rough words and the gentle, almost romantic meaning behind them

While you could easily get lost in her dark golden eyes, the same goes for her and your eyes

Sometimes, she likes to just stare at them when you cuddle, her eyes desperately trying to meet all of yours

It’s an admittedly adorable sight

And even during your first introduction, when she had grabbed your face harshly, she easily got lost in your eyes

While originally chained to the moldy wall of the basement, you’re upgraded fast

You become her obsession, her pet, her favorite horror in the castle

An honor, really

You know when she calls you her horror, it’s the most romantic thing she can express with words

She loves every part of you, too

Early on already she experiments with you, your cooperative nature catching her slightly by surprise

As such, when she lifted and prodded, cut and sniffed and what not, you always took it as an opportunity to talk to her

Early on, you find out more and more of Cassandra

Later, you learn she often rambles mindlessly when utterly absorbed in her experiments, games, and torture

As such, early on already, you listened as she rambled about her sisters and her hunts

Your presence was always a refreshing one, really

Cassandra is bold

As such, when she noticed just that, and how much she had grown to care for “her experiment”, you were moved from the basement

Quickly, your relationship turned from one of a captive and their tormentor to desire

She clearly desired you, her breaths ragged around you, her heart beating fast, her lip bit, her hands touching up on your limbs eagerly

And you had no reason to hide your attraction, in turn

To this day, you like experimenting with her

In a way, it’s allowing her to get to know you more

Often, her experiments mean working out new techniques to spin webs

At other times, she wants to see how precisely you can control the limbs stemming from your back

With a nice routine of spending nearly every day together, it’s no surprise when you eventually made a move on her

One Cassandra eagerly accepted and returned

She isn’t one for terms, and has never been. You’ve never been her prisoner. Never her friend. Never her partner

Always, you are what she feels

You’re her love, her passion, her horror, her excitement, her desire, her sadism

Due to this, there has hardly been a change after you’ve asked her to be your girlfriend. To her, you’ve always been what you are to her

You’re her partner, despite how she doesn’t like naming what you have

Her favorite couple activity is spending quality time together

She loves to hunt together

Her favorite game?

To chase prey into your web

She laughs loudly when it happens, her pupils wide, her hands twitching

If you ate humans and raw meat as she does, she would grant you the first bite, sometimes

As such, she likes to watch you wrap her prey up and carry it home for her

Her second favorite activity is to experiment with you, and do art together

She likes it particularly much when you spin a web and allow her to direct you, the silky threads assuming a shape to her liking

As it comes to experimenting, she finds it particularly fun when the two of you get to chat, one of your limbs holding onto her or handing her tools

The others are usually made to hold down whatever poor soul has caught her eye and is now to die

But really, her bright smile and manic crackle of laughter seems to make all your remaining morals drip away

Other things she loves is to use your webs to create obstacles when she trains

She knows she can’t achieve Daniela’s speed and precision as it comes to flying and the swarm, but likes to practice either way

And you like to help her by putting webs in her way

Only sometimes does she get stuck, growling and grumbling to you and herself when she’s…well…a fly in the spider’s web

Oddly enough, this doesn’t bother her, yet when even the smallest little spider is near her, she freaks out

Usually, that means you get to flick it away, hunting it down and only granted a rest when you present your love with the creature’s body as proof of its passing

You shake your head, smiling fondly at this, before returning to stroking your long fingers through dark hair. Less thick, more combed and cleaner looking, yet nearly matching yours in color

She hums in her sleep. You know, she will awaken soon, ready to hunt or plead with you to please play with the maids with her

It’s so very fun to see them stumble and cry in the webs, she insists

Daniela

To say Daniela was intrigued by you at first sight would be a vast understatement

Obsessed, more like it

Having been dragged to a lord’s meeting after countless experiments done by Mother Miranda, it’s the first and ideal opportunity to meet everyone

Including the stunning woman by the tall lady’s side

Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters, you learn

Daniela’s eyes are on you the instant you’re revealed to the lords

Gold with specks of green, piercing and curious, obsessed and eager

They flicker across you, your face and body, until they move back and flicker across your face, seemingly searching for eye contact

Eye contact, which proves difficult with the many sets of eyes you have

Oh, but she immediately gets lost in them

You flinch in surprise when she moves, fast, uncaring of the audience the two of you have

She’s pushed against you in an instant, her hands cupping your cheeks

Her skin is nearly as cold as yours, her palms cool as ice

She studies your eyes intensely

While she finds specks of red and purple, you find light shades of green hidden within the pools of gold of her eyes

Both of you immediately seem to fall in love with the sights presented to you

While you’re introduced as nothing but a failed experiment, Daniela immediately sees more in you

She begs, out loud as though she has no shame-

and maybe she doesn’t

- and she pleads:

“Mother, I must have them, please!”

And, you learn early on, Alcina Dimitrescu seems incapable of denying her youngest any wish she has

And in turn, it seems Mother Miranda has difficulty denying Alcina

As such, you’re handed over promptly, officially made Daniela’s property

She’d scoff at the title. You’re hers, though

You’ll be her best friend! Her love! Her soulmate!

She’s not wrong, at the end

For the first time in your life maybe, you feel free, even as you officially “belong to her”

You receive your own wing, even, though it’s near her own

You’re a little surprised at this, though now know that you’re given the entire wing by Alcina Dimitrescu to ensure no intruders would past the deadly webs and manage to find the precious youngest daughter

You’re quite proud of that, too

You like knowing you’re what stands between Daniela and any potentially dangerous intruders

You like knowing your webs will catch them should they sneak where they shouldn’t be

The only things she asks for are honesty, affection, genuine interest and respect

Things you’re eager to give her

In return, you receive time and space, love and affection, honesty and eagerness, care and happiness

While the two of you seem to start out as friends, more builds up between you fast

Daniela, bold as she is, is the first to initiate things, to steal looks and kisses, lingering touches and more

You eagerly give in, and the two of you become impossibly close

As such, you often sleep with her curled in your arms, your arms and legs wrapped around her, your limbs keeping her pressed close to you

She loves cuddling, loves holding your hands while your other limbs are wrapped around her

At other times, she likes to fight for fun with you

It’s a game to her, to evade your webs and limbs, to tackle them only to be smacked away by one of the long, strong limbs stemming from your back

Sometimes- usually- she wins

At other times, she ends up webbed by you, giggling when you make use of the opportunity to place small kisses all over her face

When she hunts on her own, she often takes you with her

She likes to race you, seemingly ignoring that your strength is not your speed, but the tactics and strategic placement of your webs

In the end, she likes to compare who captured the most prey

Often, it’s you, due to the many small animals getting lost in the webs

Though, she usually claims the larger and faster victims

Afterwards, she likes to indulge in snacks with you, often stroking along one of your limbs absently

When you’re spinning your webs, she likes to stay close and watch, occasionally freaking out when bits of her get stuck

She’s whining and snarling then, unable to free herself until you cut the webs loose and tug them from her

Despite liking your webs and being in your arms, Daniela doesn’t enjoy the feeling of being stuck in your webs

Too often has she lost herself as a fly in some spider’s web…

[fairykazu]

is he a dog or a cat? with childe masterlist ++ cw: this is f!reader but can be read as gn, crushing && requited feelings.

the way he trailed behind you like a lost puppy during lunch; it almost made you feel pity for him. key word, almost. whatever he tried to pull during english today wasn't cool but you didn't mind it. but the way, he's acting behind you, he instantly regretted it.

but if you think about it, childe’s like a dog, fiercely loyal to the bone and willing to do anything to prove himself. he’s kind of stupid, not in a bad way of course. it’s just sometimes he acts without thinking, swinging his fists instead of using words as a weapon. other times he’s more akin to an orange cat with the way he acts, it’s like he turns off his brain whenever he hangs out with you. 

you remember when you two were playing a game of hide and seek, in your defense, he started it! he bet he could’ve found you within a minute. could he? yes, but that’s beside the point, he attacked your honor! you juked him by running to a fork, throwing a rock at a dead end and running in the opposite direction. when he reached the forked alleyway, he heard the rock in the other side, running at the speed of light. then he knocked his head against the dead end. but did you win? 

yes, that’s the most important part (an obvious lie).

…childe was fine after he hit his head of course, after you rushed towards him, helping him up. he sat on the cement floors as you circle around him with questions, checking if he was bleeding. “ajax, are you okay?” 

he was smiling like a cheeky dog, basking in the attention you gave him. if food wasn't something he'd consume, affection would definitely be his go-to. “of course, i am when you’re with me.” 

he chuckled as you rolled your eyes, punching him playfully in the arms, "okay, from that reaction, you seem to be in good shape to me."

he let out a gasp. he fixed up his attitude, immediately switching his personality from being cheeky to being solemn, tearful even. "oh, name! my forehead hurts so bad."

you tilted your head, well, it's better to play along with his antics than to ignore them. otherwise, he'd keep it up. "oh no." you dryly replied, "do you need a kiss for your boo-boo?"

childe looked up in your direction, breaking his character a bit. he was stuttering out, his freckled cheeks flustered, "really?" he cleared his throat. "i mean, ahem, i believe thats the best way for me to heal."

"really?"

it was clear that childe wouldn't believe that you would go with the kiss. but as always, he knew if he riled you up enough, bruise your ego to prove him wrong, it could happen.

maybe... well, he hopes. "...yepp!"

“if you say so, ajax.” 

he was flustered to the point his neck reddened, he didnt think it would be this easy. you leaned in close and he squeezed his eyes. but it wasn’t even a kiss, just a brief press against his skin but still he stumbled around his words, “thank you… that would surely, i mean, i know that confidently that would certainly– i mean, i know that would make me heal.” 

he’s trying to play it off as cool but internally, he knew he fumbled so bad. who says that? 

“uh-huh, c’mere, let me take you to the nurse.” 

“oh okay!” 

huh… well, he’s kind of a mix of those animals. but how do you describe that? would he be that one show, dog-cat or cat-dog?  youve seen him in a different light before but he rarely shows you what that side looks like. only once you’ve seen him as the fearful delinquent and never again.

“childe, why are you following me? don’t you have other friends?” you asked, turning your heel to stop abruptly, facing him. thankfully the road you took to go home doesn't have any crowds. otherwise, this situation could be taken in the worst way possible. childe rested his head on your shoulder, you could feel the ambience to dampen as you met his ocean eyes. 

he looked back at you, “well, name, your bodyguard is here to protect you.” 

dog. 

you rolled your eyes, “really, thats your excuse.” 

his gaze only stayed on you, “mhm, and as your bodyguard, you need to be safer around these parts.” 

“so you’re a cowboy now.” 

“no? well, i just want to say something.” 

okay, maybe a cat? 

“go on.” 

“you know in english where i acted… weird..” oh yeah, you remember now. if you recall, he was acting off. more flirty than normal, did you hate it? not exactly… but does he really need to know that? not right now. 

“there was this group of guys who were talking about you like you were an object as if you were just the girl of the week. so that’s why i was acting like we were dating. and don’t worry, i did use my words…” 

“that’s cute of you but you also fought them didn’t you?” 

“you called me cute?” 

“that’s what you focused on???” 

“that’s besides the point, you think im cuteeee.” 

“sure whatever you want.” 

he’s a dog that’s for sure. 

[percynorthwest]

Jegulus microfic - doctor

2/5-2024 @jegulus-microfic words:~1060

cw:medical inaccuracies, pregnancy scare (ig?), complications, ectopic pregnancy

"And how long has the pain been going on for?"

"It started maybe two days ago. But it got so much worse this morning." Regulus replied. "And my shoulders started hurting too, at the same time," Regulus shrugged, "I don't know."

James could see that tried his best to keep his composure, but he could see the pain Regulus was in by his stiff posture and the constant frown on his face.

"And since then, it feels like I'm constantly on the brink of fainting."

The doctor typed quickly on her computer. She too had a quaint frown on her face. James held Regulus' hand, stroking his thumb over the back of his hand. Regulus hand was cold, more so than usual, and he was looking a tad to pale, all furthering James' worry.

James looked up to Regulus' face, and saw how he took deep, rhythmical, breaths, once again indicating of how much pain he was in. His eyes were closed tightly, and when he opened them, he blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. James understood how much he hated this; being so in the centre of attention; being vulnerable; in pain. James raised Regulus' hand to give it a soft kiss.

"And how long ago since your last period?" the doctor asked.

Regulus stiffened further where he sat on the plastic bed. This wasn't a topic Regulus was particularly comfortable with.

"Ehm, two years ago, maybe." He replied, still looking uncomfortable, "It kinda stopped once I got on hormones."

The doctor swirled away from the computer screen, now instead facing Regulus on her chair.

"Are you sexually active?"

James could see Regulus getting immediately red, before he answered with a nod. Then Regulus' frown deepened further.

"But I have an IUD, since like three years ago. And I'm at no risk of STDs or anything" He explained quickly with a now really worried look on his face, looking even more pale.

"It's still highly unlikely, but not impossible." The doctor explained, following Regulus' line of thinking. "I want to be on the safe side though, so I'm going to order some blood test, that will not only screen for pregnancy, and then I'd also like to order an ultrasound."

Regulus was certainly looking a lot more pale now, but he nodded along.

"Both the blood test and the ultrasound could indicate what's going on, not only whether or not it's a pregnancy."

Regulus looked just as worried, but he nodded again, maybe just a tad relieved after the doctor's reassurance.

When the doctor left the room, Regulus dropped his head back on the plastic bed, groaning out loud. James dragged his chair closer to the bed, wanting to support Regulus in any way he could. Regulus dragged his legs up, folding himself up like a ball. James placed a hand on Regulus' knee. He could hear Regulus' uneven breathing, making his heart break further. He stood up, bringing his hands to Regulus' face, cupping slightly and wiping away the few tears that had started falling down his chin.

A nurse or something akin to one, maybe a midwife, entered the room. Both James and Regulus startled slightly, and Regulus immediately wiped away any of the tears James had missed. James didn't sit back down again, wanting to be as close as possible.

"If you could just come with me," she said softly.

They followed her into another room, in the same part of the hospital. The room had stirrups, which made Regulus grip James' hand more tightly. Another nurse sat in the room already, and he seemed to be preparing blood tests.

Regulus was asked to sit down, and the male nurse took two vials of blood, while the other nurse prepared the ultrasound. After the vials were filled with crimson red blood, the male nurse left -thankfully, as Regulus probably didnt want more people in the room than necessary.

The whole procedure was quite quick. Regulus was asked to take his pants off and place his legs in those uncomfortable stirrups, and the nurse could quite quickly confirm that Regulus had a ectopic pregnancy, letting Regulus get down and get dressed again.

"What does that mean?" James asked after Regulus didn't say anything.

"The egg has been fertilized outside of the uterus," she explained. "In your case on your left fallopian tube. It happens to about one in 90 pregnancy, and if one is to get pregnant while using an IUD, the risk increases." Regulus nodded, seeming to be listening in. "I'll have to confer with the doctor, but either you will have to wait it out, under observation, or you'll be given medicines to stop furthering growth. There's also a surgery, if necessary."

She left in order to get the doctor.

Regulus turned to James, with a stern look on his face.

"We are never having sex again."

James immediately burst out in laughter, slapping a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound, so stunned by the exclamation. Regulus was looking straight ahead, but James could see a smirk creeping on his face.

Once James had managed to stop, he turned to Regulus again;

"How are you feeling?" He asked softly, looking intently at his boyfriend's face, trying to gauge his emotions.

"Pretty fucking bad." he said, laughing slightly, but James could see the look of anxiety on his face, as well as a few tears escaping his eyes.

Regulus closed his eyes tightly, and groaned loudly as he pressed the heel of his hands into his face.

"I mean what the actual fuck? This is barley supposed to be possible!"

James didn't know what to say, instead just stroking Regulus' hair, tucking a lock behind his ear.

"I don't know, baby," he murmured, placing a kiss on top of his hair.

"This is your fault, you know." Regulus said, dropping his hands in order to glare at James. "You're sleeping on the couch indefinitely."

"Sure," he replied warmly. He would probably sleep on the street if Regulus so asked.

Regulus turned on the bed, dropping his legs of the side, now sitting turned to James. His face was still slightly crunched up in pain, and tears framed his eyes. He leaned towards James, who immediately engulfed him in a tight hug. Reg sobbed quietly into James' chest. James stroked his back.

"Everything will be okay," He murmured, once again into the top of his hair.

a/n:

i don't have a medical degree or anything, this is from what i've been taught in school and what i've researched online, so this could possibly be incredibly inaccurate, probably most so regarding procedure etc.

[doritochoi]

Forbidden Desire | C.S

pairing: choi san xfem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: unprotected sex, sex in your boss's office, san really likes to fuck you.

word count: 2.3k

A/n : I feel so happy that I finished this story. It's been a while since I last posted, but I'm back. I hope you liked it! Don't forget to leave a comment. Love you guys ❤❤

banner from @cafekitsune

Again a normal day when you had to go to work. It was a really beautiful day, you could see couples holding hands on the street, wondering what was wrong with you, or if someone loves you. After that incident 2 years ago, when your ex-boyfriend cheated on you with your best friend, you don't trust anyone anymore. You swore you'd never fall in love again, until Choi San appeared in your life.

Choi San known as the millionaire from South Korea who maintains many companies, was the dream of many girls. All the girls you saw in the company were obsessed with him and did their best to talk to him. Unfortunately, you also liked him, even more than you think, but you surely thought that he would never look at you. Even if you were his secretary, you still couldn't do anything. Your feelings were growing more and more making you feel sad all the time. Today you were in the elevator, you were looking in the mirror, arranging yourself a little, then you heard a sound, knowing that you reached the floor where you should be. By chance, you saw that your boss's door was a little open, so you stopped to see what was happening. And there was Nancy, that flirty girl who is always in his office trying to get his attention. You ignored that, and went to your office, placing your laptop on the table. While you were working, you were surprised when it was San who entered your office. Usually when he enters your office, he calls you to get ready for important meetings or he needs help with a project, but today was the first day of the week and you were a little shocked to see him in your office. It was definitely something important. You weren't even paying attention to what he was saying. You were just looking at how he was dressed. That white shirt was a little transparent showing a small part of his abs. His pants fit perfectly, and his thighs looked so soft that you wanted to put your hand on them at that moment. Of course he saw how you were looking at him but he didnt said anything. "Did you understand?" , his voice scared you a little, waking you up to reality. Being his secretary, he expected more from you and all you could do was just stare at him. "Miss Y/n?" , the way he pronounced your name made you melt and it wasn't just that, the hands, the fingers, all the parts of his body. You thought what he could do to you with those long fingers. You didn't care about that you weren't paying attention to what he was explaining. Your mind was only full of dirty thoughts and dreams that you would like to fulfill in reality. "I would like to know why you aren't paying attention to me, miss. " , his body leans on your desk and his eyes making eye contact with you waiting for an answer. "I-i was just thinking about something..", he fixed his tie, looking insanely good, then getting ready to answer you. "Something like what?"

The tension was already too high, if he continued leaning on that desk like that you could make a wrong step and you certainly didn't want that to happen, so you stood up, heading for the door. But something unexpected happens. While you were rushing as fast as possible to get out of the same room with San, he grabs your hand and pinned you to the wall, looking into your eyes. He slowly approaches your face, his lips getting extremely close. Thinking he wanted to kiss you, you quickly closed your eyes, but all he did was move closer to your ear, feeling how his full lips touch your ear, sending shivers down your spine. "Im sorry, i didn't want to scare you, i just wanted to say that this night were having a date with Park's Company". There is no way that he did all of that just to say this to you, right? Or maybe it was just in your mind. The thing is that he wanted to do this. He had been planning this for a long time, he just didn't know when, and the right moment was right now. There is no business meeting. Yes, Mr. Park will come, but he will find the right moment to tell him to leave so that you two will be alone. It was too obvious that you liked him, he saw how you were arranging yourself, how you were trying to get his attention, but he was waiting for you to make the first move, but you didn't really succeed. "I want you to get ready at 9 pm, and I will come in front of your apartment to take you". You couldn't speak, in fact how could you speak when this wonderful man was standing in front of you.

Time passed very quickly. You put on the most beautiful dress you had in your dresser. A mini black dress that fit perfectly on your body. While you were looking in the mirror and putting a cute accessory in your hair, a sound could be heard from outside. It was none other than San. The fact that you were looking out the window, how he was sitting in the car. One hand on the steering wheel, waiting for you, while looking at the watch on his left hand, turns your legs into jelly. You gulped and looked at how he was dressed. The same white shirt, only 3 buttons were undone, exposing his neck. The leather pants that looked so good on him, his thighs... You were already staring at him too much, so you took your bags and left. Outside, when you walked out the door, he was there waiting for you. He got out of the car approaching you. Now it really looks too good. You could see how his muscles tensed through that shirt. How much you wanted to rip that shirt off, but of course you cant do that. While you were dreaming of all the scenarios that can cross your mind, San gets extremely close to you. His perfume brings you back to reality knowing that he is here, and you are just thinking about the things he could do to you. "Hi", just a simple hi and you couldn't even speak. "Let's go hm?", he waited for your answer a couple of seconds, because you were too stunned to speak. "Uhm.. y-yes", he opens the door for you, and you try to cover your dress a little because it was quite short. When he got into the car, he noticed that you were struggling to put on your seat belt, so he bent down a little, making eye contact, trying to put it on. After that, he realized what you were wearing. Looking at you from top to bottom, licking his lips. "You look so beautiful tonight, Y/n", You didn't say anything, you just blushed and smiled looking at him.

The car ride was quiet, but after one hour in traffic, you arrived at a restaurant. You got out of the car and you already noticed that the restaurant was not an ordinary one like all the others. It was an extremely expensive one, where you couldn't even afford to eat there, but yeah Choi San was rich. He startled you by putting his hand on your shoulder. You quickly turned around and lost your balance making San grab your waist, looking into your eyes. " Oop- are you okay?" ,you nodded and he helped you . "Shall we go?", he took your hand giving you goosebumps. "Yes", you shyly responded and went inside the restaurant. There he was, Mr Park sitting in front of us. He was extremely gorgeous, but not your type. You bet that every girl were trying to get his attention. " Woah i didnt know you will bring this beautiful girl here". San was angry, he didn't know he would act like this, he was trying to hold back from saying something, but apparently Mr. Park wanted to flirt with you. " So whats your name, pretty girl?" ,after he said that, his hand landed on your leg making you flinch, buy you decided to play too. Making San jealous can't go wrong, right?

One hour passed and the meeting already led to something else. You forgot that San was next to you, looking jealous at the two of you. It was almost 11pm and you already started getting ready to leave. San was looking at you, at the movements you were making. How you bent down to adjust your shoes a little seeing your cleavage, but still he didn't find the right moment to do the things he wanted to do. The time has already passed and he had to take you home. Apparently, Mr. Park tricked him. He drove you home, and when you got to bed you thought about what happened today. You can even focus on that power point project he gave you, all of this because of him. You needed him and for sure he needed you too.

The next day you woke up with a headache. Last night you had a dream. You couldn't get out of your mind the position your boss fucked you on his office desk. The way his hands covered your boobs, from time to time leaning down and kissing each one. He was driving you crazy. Not in the dream, but in real life too. You put on your favorite shirt and your mini skirt, underneath you had black panties, just the way you thought he liked them, and a pair of sexy tights. You applied a little make-up, took your bag and left for the company. When you got out of the elevator, you wondered if San had some free time to talk to him, because he always had meeting and he is very busy. You saw Jongho passing by and you went towards him. "Hello Jongho, is Mr Choi in his office?", he answered seeing that you had some files in your hand, thinking that you have to show them to him. "Yes, he just came", "Okay, thanks!".

There you were, in front of his office. You could smell his perfume and he itsn't not even near you. Before opening the door, you undid 2 buttons on your shirt to warm the atmosphere a little. You knocked and opened the door. Just as you expected, Mr Choi was wearing your favorite suit, his hair was neatly arranged looking at the laptop screen, but your presence makes him change his gaze towards you. He looked at you from top to bottom, carefully analyzing the skirt you were wearing. He knew he was something off. " What brings you here, miss Y/n?", the way he pronounced your name made your legs like jelly. "I wanted to talk about the project you gave me..", he looked at you for one more time and motioned for you to come and sit on the chair next to him. "Hm.. let's see what we have here....wait where is that file?, one file was missing and he tries to search it everywhere. Then you saw the file on the floor " Found it!", you said bending under the desk and showing San what is hidden in your cleavage. "Here.", you passed him the file. "What are you doing?" ,he frowned getting up from the chair, you quickly got up too, looking at him with confusion. But actually your plan was going like you wanted. "Nothing", he raises an eyebrow, trying to hide his interest but failing. "What's with the new look?, he smirks. " You are really coming out of your shell lately, aren't you?, he winks at you. "Huh what do you mean?", he grins, moving closer to you and wrapping his arms around your waist. "I mean, i love it, you look so confident and sexy, it drives me crazy.", he whispered in your ear, planting soft kisses down your neck."Tell me love, what is on your mind", his hot breath sending shivers down your spine." You, only you...". San leans down and starts kissing and sucking your neck, leaving love bites. "San...", you moaned putting your tiny hands on his waist, then your hands went lower to his belt, but he stops you smirking at you. "Nah, not now, im not done with you.", he puts his hands between your legs, discovering the black panties that you picked for him, then sits you on the desk, exploring every part of your body with his hands. "I love it when you surprise me, princess". You couldn't do anything, San was fingering you so bad that you wanted to come on his fingers. He sits you up and looks at you. "Bend over", you immediately obey and bend over the desk feeling hands wrap around your hips, pulling you closer to him. He starts to move slowly at first but quickly loses control, unable to hold back his desire for you. He kisses you passionately as he thrusts into you deep and fast, driving both of you closer to the edge. With each thrust, your moans became louder and he can feel himself losing control. He moves his hand to your clit, circling it with his wet fingers to add you pleasure. San couldn't hold back any longer and with a final thrust, he releases himself with a loud moan, watching you moan as well, both of you panting and holding onto each other tightly. He looks down at you with a loving expression and brushes a strand of hair away from your face." I love you so much...", you smiled at him feeling tired. Concern fills San's eyes as he cups your face and kisses your forehead gently. "Aww, my poor baby, you must be exhausted." he wraps his arms around you and try to clean you up .He puts you on the sofa lying down next to you. "Rest now, love. I'll be right here beside you, and no one will disturb us."

[sammygender]

thoughts on how the sam & dean part of the fight before sam left for stanford went !

i am addicted to thinking about precanon so thank you for this <33

i think people r generally way too optimistic about how that initial seperation between them went. dean is awful to sam about stanford even years after he left and years after he came back!! hes still very visibly angry about it in s5 which is NINE YEARS after he left in the first place and refuses to even tolerate the idea it was a good moment for sam. i cannot comprehend how people think 22 year old dean had the emotional maturity to even let sam go without a fight, nevermind be supportive about it.

like. theres this amazinggg art on here of sam hitchhiking to stanford and all the comments are like 'erm that black eye would be from JOHN actually!' (side note but it is so funny to me how spn fans decide john hit them based on implication (which i agree w... to an extent...) but dean hitting sam onscreen multiple times somehow translates to 'DEAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT'. erm. okay.) 'nooo dean would've given sam a lift!'

and like. what show are you watching. if dean would've given sam a lift he would've done it to the bus station in moody silence and then locked the doors of the impala so sam couldn't get out to catch his bus to stanford and they would've started physically fighting for the car keys and dean eventually wouldve let sam get them and sam wouldve left. or something. but it would not be some sweet brotherly moment bc that directly contradicts canon <3

i do think the worst of the fight is between sam & john - that's always what's implied in canon - and in my head dean's just standing there stonefaced maybe refusing to even talk to sam until theyre left alone somehow and he breaks. but i also think dean hits sam at some point, will always have the image in my head of sam showing up to stanford w a bloody nose and fending off questions. (internally hes like no my dad didnt do this it was my brother so its fine. <3.) theres a scene like this in one of my fics so im just drawing from that. but. like....

idk how dean/john finds out. if dean found out before john, i think dean probably wouldve run to him about it in an attempt to get sam Not To Go as much as it would be nice if he didnt, so i reckon they have to find out at about the same time. i think sam is unsure what to expect from dean, who of course (as far as we see both in flashbacks and in canon) alternates between genuine care and support and angry, desperate possessiveness. he probably hopes for the best and expects the worst and gets the worst.

there r definitely lots of different ways it could go....maybe sam tells dean and dean tells john. maybe sam tells john without telling dean at all and thats how dean finds out which totally wrecks him. maybe sam tells them both at the same time. maybe sam never tells them and they find the acceptance letter. this is why stanford fight is sooo fascinating. i feel like i could write five different versions of it and all would be possible/interesting.

but whichever way, i just dont see dean as contradicting john. he generally Doesnt Ever precanon, this is established, he admits it himself, thats why its such a huge moment when he defends sam at the end of s1.....sam going on about dean 'protecting him' is 1. more subtle and probably to do with dean being the one to shoulder most of johns emotional baggage than the heller misinterpretation of 'john hit dean but not sam and thats what this means!!!' (tho i am sure dean did genuinely Protect sam sometimes including from physical violence. of course he did. this isnt to discredit that..i just emphasise the Sometimes.). and 2. partially just classic Sam Rewriting History (u always protected me from dad, from lucifer....girl he did those things very little certainly not always. know your worth sam winchester).

so if dean gives sam a very angry lift (to a nearby bus station...there is absolutely zero fucking way hes driving him to stanford and tbh i already find this quite unlikely but possibilities r interesting) its on john's say-so or at least not disapproval. which like. sure maybe. john certainly is concerned about sam's safety even after he kicks him out, checking up on him at stanford etc, id believe that hed want to ensure sam Gets there even if the fight ended up so bad he told sam he couldnt come back. tho hes stubborn and i dont think hed say it. so maybe itd be a case of dean kind of picking up that that's what john wants and complying even though right now half of him wants to never see sam again and the other half wants to tie him to the radiator so he can never leave. sorry i am literally brainstorming fic ideas in this ask answer now.

anyway....SORRY id say long ass answer as always but this is actually INSANELY long......sorry guys im about to embark upon getting tested for adhd and maybe then my rambles will be, while not shorter in length, more cohesive? tldr fandom is wrong dean is an absolute ASS during stanford fight. obviously sam leaving devastates him and how does dean cope with devastation or perceived abandonment do we think?? hm?? he is just as angry as john for the same and different reasons. and thats really so much more interesting than him being Secretly Supportive. <3

[suntoru]

LET ME HEAL YOUR HEART.

summary: they broke your heart three years ago. you thought he moved on, but you find him on your porch at two am.

a/n: AHAHAHAHAH I KNOW THAT SUMMARY SUCKED BOOTYCHEEKS BUT I DIDNT WANT TO GIVE TOO MUCH AWAY

wc: 1.3k words

warnings: angst to fluff, hurt comfort, violence, physical restraint?

a knock at the door. ‘…it’s two am on a tuesday, who could it be?’ you think to yourself. confusedly, you walk to the front hallway, unlatching the lock. swinging the door open, you don’t know what you expected to see, but it certainly wasn’t this. confusion morphs into pure shock the second you see who the mysterious visitor is.

it’s… him. your ex. the man who was once your world, and the same reason it came tumbling down oh so many years ago. god, he’s so breathtaking, it almost makes you fall for him all over again. but this time you’ve learned your lesson, you won’t, you can’t let him break your heart again. with a lump in your throat, you immediately attempt to slam the door shut. and you’re almost successful, if it weren’t for his hand that reaches out to stop it at the last second.

“…can we talk? …please?” the same words you sobbed as you begged him to stay. you stay silent, giving him hope that there was actually a chance to fix what he broke. “no.” this time, you manage to close the door. “y/n…” he sighs, but you’re too lost in your own thoughts to even pay attention to what he’s saying. after all this time… why now? a tear runs down your face, a barely audible sniffle following suit.

then, another knock. in a gentle voice, he asks, “are you alright?” “i’m fine.” you attempt to say in the harshest voice possible. he sighs. you were always bad at hiding your emotions, and he knew just by hearing your voice crack at the end. “…please… let me in.” “…” “open the door.” he knocks slightly louder. much to his surprise, the door swings open.

“honestly, what more do you want from me?” you glare. “can we talk?” he repeats himself, crossing his arms. “and i already told you, no.” you scowl. he stays silent, feeling a stab of self-hatred towards himself for hurting you so much that all you want to do is forget his entire existence. he sees you attempt to shut the door again, but he sticks out his leg to stop you.

“please… can i at least say something?” he begs. you scoff in annoyance. “fine. then leave and never come back.” he takes in a deep breath. “i regret what i did. three years ago.” “…what?” it comes out softly, breaking through your cold facade. but just as quickly as that surprise appeared, it fades. “i-i don’t care.” he nods slightly, a slightly hurt expression on his face, but it’s not like he didn’t expect that response.

“i made the wrong choice. i should have fought for us, i should’ve…” his voice breaks for a spilt second. “i should’ve never let go.” he gives you a bittersweet smile. you look away, trying to feign annoyance. “i… never stopped loving you.” he stares at you, even as you refuse eye contact. “i still love you.” “well… i don’t.” you choke out.

it’s an obvious lie, one even a child could tell was false. “you’re lying.” he simply states. “i don’t… i don’t want you in my life anymore!! so just …leave!!” you attempt to snap at him, blinking back the tears that were building up. he felt a stab in his chest, the same one as four years ago when you pleaded him to stay. “yeah… you’re lying.” he looks at you softly, as if begging you to break the walls you set up and admit how you truly felt.

“i-i’m not, so go!! get out!” your voice rises with emotion. he sighs, but doesn’t move an inch. “…did i hurt you that badly for you to completely shut me out?” he mumbles as he feels another pang in his heart.

“shut up.” you spit out. he goes silent. you looked so… broken, but you just won’t admit you’re hurting. your words sting, but he understands why you want to lash out at him. “you’re still hurt.” he murmurs. “i know you don’t hate me.” he looks at you intently. “i-i do.” you lie. “i hate you a lot. i hate you more than anything else.” “you don’t mean that.” he says calmly. you scowl at him.

“you don’t know what i feel.” “no, i don’t. but i know you loved me four years ago.” he smiles sadly. “i can see in your eyes that it still hurts.” “shut up.” you try again. “just leave. you didn’t have a problem doing it three years ago, what’s different?” he winces. he knows you’re just hurt, but it still hurts to face the truth.

“i don’t want to.” he says softly. slowly, he takes a step in your house, careful not to make any sudden movements. his eyes pierce through yours. “look at me. let me in.”

“j-just go!!” you scream, the tears you fought so hard to keep in spilling free. “i hate you! just leave! i don’t need you in my life!” your voice breaks as tears roll down your face, he can’t help but take another step towards you. he’s so close he can hear your breathing. “no.” you can feel his arms wrap around you as he pulls you close. you’re pressed against his chest, feeling the warmth of his body. “you loved me then, and you still love me now, so why won’t you just admit it?”

“l-let me go!” you sob, trying everything to break free. thrashing against his hold, hitting him, kicking him away… “i’m not letting go. not now, not ever again.” he says simply. he holds you tighter, keeping your face pressed against him. “i hate you, go away, get out of my life!!” you scream. “you don’t mean that.” he says firmly. “stop saying those words and look me in the eyes.”

“y-yes i do! i hate you, i hope you die, go away!!” completely ignoring your threats, he wipes away your tears. “y/n. you’re hurting yourself; stop.” “leave me alone, let go!” as you continue to scream, he just stares. “you never stopped loving me. that’s why it still hurts.” “i don’t need you in my life!” trying to pull away, you attempt everything to get away.

“you wanted me to come back.” his voice is calm, he watches your movements, knowing you were trying everything to break free. “i regret leaving. i should have fought for us, but i gave up…”

“stop, stop, stop…” you sob, voice pained and broken. “…please… let me go…” your pleas break his heart, as his expression softens. “i’m sorry. i won’t let you suffer anymore.” he holds you gently, and you can see the tears roll down his face. “i’m sorry that i left you with no answers or reasoning. i’m sorry that i left you alone.” “go away…” you sniffle, still resisting against him.

“i’m not leaving. i should have fought for you, i should’ve never stopped loving you.” you still thrash and scream against his hold. “listen to me. i love you. so much.” his voice is soft and desperate, as if pleading you to listen. “i know you thought i moved on, but you were always in my thoughts. every day for three years.”

“j-just please, stop, i don’t want to remember…” you beg. “i know it hurts… i know your heart is broken. so is mine. but it doesn’t have to stay like this.” “i hate you, i hate your face, i hate you for leaving!!” you scream, throat hoarse from all the yelling. “i know.” he smiles sadly. “but i’m not giving up this time.”

“i hate you for caring, i hate you for coming back, and i hate that i still love you!! stupid, stupid, stupid…” you collapse in his embrace, no longer having the energy to fight back. “i know.” he whispers. “i’m stupid for leaving, so stupid for hurting you… but i promise, promise, i won’t ever make the same mistake twice.”

“so let me heal your heart.”

─ ✰ AYATO, CHILDE, KAVEH, XIAO, KAEYA, VENTI, KAZUHA, WANDERER?, HEIZOU + ANY OF YOUR FAVS.

©kaeffeinee 2023. do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works on any platform.

[minimujina]

ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʜᴇʟᴘ

scara drabble turned emotional, not clickbait🔥had to put a readmore cause it got long, i didnt fkn plan this

thinking violently about taking care of scara’s wounds even though he’s not human and they’re literally going to fix themselves (let’s just. go with that. since idk how his body actually works LMFAOO). and he doesn’t even have the heart to tell you the first time you see him lightly injured—he tries to, really, but he can hardly get a word in with how firmly you insist on patching him up. he can’t find it in himself to interject with the real reason he’d be fine without your help, because good god you’re just so stubborn—and normally he wouldn’t give a lick about something as trivial as the feelings of a sentimental human, but there’s a part of him that finds it.. sweet, the way you care so much. even though it’s actually for no reason. even though this “purpose” you’ve found—following him around to take care of him when he gets hurt—is actually pointless in a way. even though he could spare both you and him extra work by telling you.

he just cant find it in himself to be the one to deflate you. he could deflate anyone, anyone at all—but not you. never you. somehow, you’re special. there is something about you that makes insults catch in his throat and ugly comments die before they even become a wisp of a thought.

your earnest gaze as you rush for him when his porcelain skin has been blemished—that, in particular, feels strangely familiar to him, but he does not know why. and your unabashed naivety irks him in a way, but it’s also one of the sole reasons he could not possibly ruin the moments between you two where you are touching him so gently and so lovingly, the only sounds being being the rustling of bandages and the chirping of insects, his leg bouncing violently and stomach playing jumprope at the feeling of your soft fingers ghosting over his artificial skin and his artificial wounds. your palms are sweaty as you work and your breathing is a bit loud, but he could not possibly care about anything less. things that would piss him off if done by anyone else—existing, for example, or any of the former mentioned “imperfections”—could pass very easily if the person was you.

and then there’s the selfish part of him, the part that can’t tell you because he would then be forced to forfeit those special moments of intimacy he had not experienced the likes of since his first breath of life. he wants you so selfishly; he sees no reason to squish your good, false faith while losing you in the process. that’s just a lose-lose scenario. what would he gain in return—a real relationship? pah. with relationships come suffering, and the fact that it is all entirely out of his control makes his empty chest convulse a bit.

he figured it’s alright to live a little white, harmless lie. it meant he could be close to you, it meant he could keep you around without being blatantly obvious about his affection (read: he could beat around the bush for as long as possible). he could avoid his feelings while still reaping the benefit of your presence.

but oh, trust me, it will certainly bite him in the ass eventually. he can’t run forever. you’ll get tired; you’ll think he’s sick of you. that he hates you. that he doesn’t want you around—he doesn’t need you.

and it’s true, actually, that he doesn’t need you.

however, there is a point to be made about relationships out of need versus relationships out of choice.

wouldn’t it be such a beautiful thing for him to finally stop pretending he only has you around because of necessity? if he makes it known that no, this is a choice that i am making—i am choosing to love you—his chest will be left wide open in all its empty glory, where there is no heart, but instead a vulnerable child. he’d be left with nothing but the hope that you will respond with grace, and that terrifies him.

and no, he is certainly not sick of you, nor does he hate you. he wants nothing more than you, than your presence. he wants everything to do with you. he wants you more than anything he’s ever wanted in his miserable, pathetic life, if it could even be called a life.

but does he need you? no.

and you know what’s so fascinating? he has not needed you all this time, and yet he’s kept you around. isn’t that interesting?

he chose you from the beginning with the guise of necessity. he pretended that it was because he needed it, needed you, needed your help—because somehow the idea that it was a choice made entirely of his own volition, for literally no reason other than he liked you, is absolutely mortifying. the last time he made such a choice, it destroyed him.

how is he supposed to justify keeping you around if he doesn’t even have a reason for it other than the butterflies in his artificial stomach? how can he justify it with his mere feelings?

his feelings make him weak. his feelings are the reason he was cast away in the first place.

it’s so much easier to pretend he’s detached. but detachment means he will only ever feel your artificial touch on his artificial skin, and nothing more. your well-intentioned hands on his fake skin, on his fake wounds. the porcelain cracks are spreading quickly, and he will do nothing about it.

the saddest part about all of it is the fact that he thinks he has to justify his feelings to anyone at all. he does not know what it means to do anything without immediately thinking about how to explain it should someone question him.

what he needs is not you. what he needs is to stop treating you like you’re a ghost from his past who will echo the aches and pains of all the people who hurt him. he can choose you in his mind, but if he holds you at an arm’s distance and does nothing about that choice, it will then mean nothing.

what he needs is to stop wishing he could have you without exposing himself in the process.

if he is to have you, he will be vulnerable with you. there is no choice in that matter. but what he does not understand is that such vulnerability is not dangerous if it’s you he’s with.

so that’s the one thing that you can do to help him—you must not only tell him, but show him, that you are not going to leave him at the drop of a hat if he is anything more than apathetic. that’s it. your only job will be to show him you are safe. that’s all you can do.

and then you must wait for him to believe you.

it’s not your job to fix him. and he can’t sit around and wait for someone to be his savior, the yin to his yang, the angel who will purify his sin. you cannot be any of that. nobody can.

but what you can be is his safe place, his heart, his joy, his lover. you can be—you are—the only one who is able to receive his angst and transform it into understanding. you can choose to love him, not because you need him, but because you want him, amidst all of his angst and suffering.

so that’s his job—realizing it’s possible that you could ever choose him, not of need, but of want, despite everything about him that is less than desirable. despite how difficult it will be. he already knows he’s chosen you, that’s not the hard part—he doesn’t have difficulty believing the lovability of others. the hard part is believing the lovability of himself.

and even when he finally accepts that you want him, even after he tells you the reason he does not need you to fix his injuries, you are still there to lovingly wrap a cloth around his fake, weeping skin.

he does not need you, and yet you remain, because you’ve made your choice—it doesn’t matter whether he needs you or not. he will have you because you chose to give yourself to him.

you will take care of his body not because you need to, but because you want to. you will love him simply because you can.

it’ll take him some time to understand that, but he’ll get there, i promise. please do be patient.

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

You remember that AF episode where Ben pretends to be evil (Above and Beyond)? What would happen if he pulled that with the HoMies?

It lives rent free in my head, anon. It was one of the better episodes in my opinion, because it showcases Ben in a different and much more favorable light!

Ooof, okay, it might not be the light-hearted 'haha ye he probably did and it would be epic/hilarious' answer you expect, but bear with me im trying to think of like in-verse situation here and honestly? I don't think it's gonna go over very well. There is potential that everyone can get very hurt?? And not just physically but emotionally.

You see I'm pretty sure almost all of the HoM-ies (going off my faulty memory here, sorry in advance if its wrong), at some point or another faced off someone who have turned sides from good to bad (or even themselves). So, all of them got kinda burned in that sense.

I'm not saying that they all automatically assume/believe that Ben really went Darkside, but they would certainly not dismiss the possiblity of it happening. I mean, they are those kind of people that would believe in the best of people/fellow heroes/misguided friends until the very end, but prior experience would mean that they also will take those sort of threat seriously.

And you know, to put such a doubt in a friend and teammate is terrible and upsetting imho. Because, you see in A&B ep. it was a controlled training exercise/graduation exam with people Ben sorta knows but is not exactly close with, and that setting kind of doesn't apply to HoMies?? So it would be either an incredibly mean-spirited prank or like a plot point to, I dunno, trick a villain into thinking Ben betrayed HoMies?? Very different end results here depending on a scenario lol.

But either way, if Ben does do something like that, I believe that he could be just as terrifyingly efficient in 'attacking' others, by playing their weaknesses and using his aliens smartly. Because we all know that there is a part of him that is like that, (terrifyingly smart and a bit mean i mean), however small it is and usually buried under his honest desire to be a hero and a good guy.

However if he does that, there is a much bigger chance that others would hit back. And hit hard. Because HoMies are not just plumber rookies in a training exercise, but experienced heroes and they know him just as well as he knows them. And remember that little fact about a lot of them being burned about people going dark side? Yeah, that means that they would feel very motivated to contain a friend who has possibly gone bad, if only to stop try and get him to see sense.

So I can see it escalating to a degree of serious injuries, because, well, Ben is versatile and strong, but going against all 8 of others, some of who match him, would be a very hard fight (certainly not like toying with rookies lol). I mean, he could separate them and fight mano-a-mano but it still would be a lot.

And like, oof, the emotional part of it is what getting to me in my head. Like, there could be a number of different scenarious where a situation like this could happen, but my mind stubbornly goes to 'mean prank' and 'for sake of mission'. In case of second one, others could be in on it from the start and/or they are not but figure out that Ben is doing it for a reason and they would understand, even if it may upset them he didnt trust them to help from the start.

(and in the end of that someone would absolutely joke, how terrifying of a bad guy Ben would make lol)

But, boy, in case of the first, Ben could burn some bridges and hurt others. Because, a prank like that with fellow heroes who experienced that sort of betrayal before??? like OOOF im getting sad just imagining it. ;(

but BUT!!!!! You know this ask gave me a much better happier idea???

Ben asking HoMies to help him do the same sort of training excersice/graduation exam for earth based plumbers, by playing the role of the bad guys with him!!!!!

God just imagine, all the bonding with Ben and others, 'fighting' against poor terrified rookies who are suddenly faced with a previously protector of Earth Robot XJ-9 turned bad, or a ghastly apparition from outer space that kinda looks like that ghost menace from Amity, or some weird robot guy with Big Fucking Sword and a freaking dragon???

All the shennanigans!!! And those poor rookies that graduate will have such weird freaking stories to tell other outer space cadets lol.

[melled42]

Forgive this soul for the wall of text I wish to invoke upon you as I want to indulge in a little analysis.

The second part to the changes comic I found to be rather notable. The look the Lamb makes upon hearing Narinder's request to see their siblings again is by far the most striking. It is perhaps some of the most life we've seen in their eyes for a long time. The resulting panel afterward of them glancing in thought at Narinder's little joke is also rather telling. I believe in that moment upon hearing his desire the Lamb got hit with a sudden and stunning revelation: For the first time in perhaps their entire life, they want to commit a selfless act. The Lamb wanted to do something solely to the benefit of Narinder and to grant his desire. Sure, by bringing the Bishops back to life the Lamb has a few more minions to command and they can flaunt their position of power over the conquered gods, but overall the Lamb has little to gain by bringing them back to life; in fact they may even become liabilities. For one, if they retain their memories they may conspire against the Lamb and sow dissent among the flock. Secondly, by resurrecting the fallen Bishops the Lamb must coexist with the very beings that sought their destruction and made their life hell. That trauma, however repressed, will most likely surface. However it's the fact that the Lamb wishes to do all of this for Narinder's sake that I believe elicited that reaction. Because deep down, I think this desire utterly terrifies the Lamb. The Lamb has been used to being in full control over their life. Even while evading capture they found ways to control the situation and turn every incident to their advantage. Heck, even as they were about to be executed they chose to die on their terms and consciously give up even though they could have perhaps found other ways to escape. Now as the leader of the Cult that Lamb has grown very used to controlling the lives of every one of their followers and friends. As the Lamb even puts it to themselves 'I've had everyone under my control for decades.' The Lamb is used to everything being in their hands at all times. By even remotely having this desire to do something for someone's else it means that the Lamb has lost some control over their life. Whether directly or not, Narinder has established some control and influence over the Lamb. His own desires now become the desires of the Lamb. The Lamb has certainly done things in the past to appease Narinder but the Lamb got something out of it everytime in return, namely to keep Narinder under the Lamb's thumb as much as possible. That's why they were vexed so badly at the audacity the Fox had to suggest that their connection was a deal instead of a law. The Lamb doesn't even want to fathom the idea that Narinder can walk away from them. But now realizing that Narinder has things that he wants that the Lamb may not want but is willing to grant them, is inherently terrifying to the Lamb because it both indicates a loss of control and a change of their character. The Lamb wants to deny every possibility that they can change if only to maintain their sense of security. What the Lamb has to decide rather quickly is what they're willing to sacrifice in order to keep what they have. They're already going to have to make a rather significant sacrifice to the Fox just to make the resurrection of the Bishops possible. Now they may have to sacrifice entire parts of themselves just to keep Narinder.

I have thousands more thoughts but I do believe that is enough rambling for now. Thank you kindly for listening and have a wonderful day.

wow i didnt know asks had such a big character limit. I'm crying here

you're on point for a lot of it, the only real thing missing is a character trauma related to things that I haven't dropped yet for the next big comic.

I'm always worried i'm either over explaining or under explaining every comic. I'm glad a lot of the things I'm putting out there are getting picked up on. thank you so much

[aphroditeslover11]

Can You Hear The Music?

I apologise for the cheap title grab, but I was out of ideas! Some preferences for how some of the boys would react to having a musician as a partner, I’m a violinist so this is kind of based around my experiences. Anyway, enjoy!!

Warnings: Consumption of alcohol, I didnt proofread this, sorry!

Tommy Shelby:

He would almost certainly be there to support you. The only thing that would stop him would be if there was some really urgent business he needed to attend to. He would be there, probably sat on the front row so that he had the best view of you that he possible could. He’d turn up after the performance and insist on carrying all of your bags for you, case and all, with a bouquet of roses like an absolute sop. He wouldn’t have a musical bone in his body, so the fact that his partner did never ceased to amaze him and would make him the proudest man on earth. He’d always comment on how brave he thought you were, even though he was the one that actually went out fighting in France.

Neil Lewis:

The first time he heard you play was when you were practicing, thinking that you were in the house alone. Since then, he had taken to sending random bits of film music on YouTube your way asking if you could play it. He’d drop anything to come along to your concerts, he’d always be sat there with a stupid smile on his face and he’d tell anyone that was with him that you were his. He’d be your biggest support and would always rave over you once you came off the stage. I feel like he would end up with a tradition of dragging you back to the video-store and making you watch ‘The Red Violin’ or something after, probably with a couple of beers, to celebrate.

Robert Fischer:

If you were with this man then there is no doubt that he would have gifted you an instrument worth many thousands of pounds as soon as he saw that you were serious about your music. There would be a rack of designer black dresses and matching heels in your wardrobe as he would insist that you needed a new one for each concert. On the evening he would definitely be there, he’d send flowers ahead of him and you would have to go through the embarrassment of his driver delivering them to your door. He’d probably sit somewhere random in the middle of the crowd so that he didn’t distract you or take any attention away from you if anyone spotted him - he’d be quite conspicuous in a perfect suit having come straight from work. Afterwards he would insist on celebrating, he’d arrange for a car to take you out and there would be a bottle of Moët and a platter of oysters waiting for when you arrived at the bar.

Oppie:

Performing in front of this man would be absolutely terrifying - he isn’t remotely musical but he listens to a lot of classical so he will know if you go wrong. I see him as that annoying person that likes to sit around and watch you practice and gives you irritating pointers when he thinks you are wrong despite having never picked your instrument up before. Even so, he would still be there whenever he could to watch you in concerts. A lot of his friends were musical so you ended up forming little groups with them, especially his brother Frank who was good enough to be a professional on the flute. It would become a fixture that you would get together for informal concerts at the university and then go back to Robert’s for martinis. He was never one to dish out much praise, but he always made sure that he knew he was proud of you when he saw you after a concert. You’d also find the odd piece of fresh sheet music left on your stand when he found something that he thought you would like to play.

Jim (The Delinquent Season):

He would absolutely adore having a musical partner, he’d probably play a bit of piano and guitar himself. He loved to spend an evening mucking about with some fold music together with a glass of wine. Rather than playing classical music like you were more used to Jim would probably have encouraged you to take up some folk music as you were in Ireland. Once a month or so you would try and make it to a folk evening at a local pub, taking your instruments with you. This was your favourite type of performing - informal and relaxed and surrounded by friends with him by your side.

[basil-does-arttt]

hold on wait a second i had a thought

in the DLC prolouge cutscene for DMC 5, when Vergil is in that stone passageway area, he says "its nearly time" (in reference to him splitting himself in half).

We know what day it happens, april 30th. The date is shown in Nero's flashback scene. This is of course assuming Vergil did all that on the same day, which i think is what happened. (He could open a portal to his house to travel, and why would he wait any longer and risk dying first?)

Anyway. Thats not my point, my point is: did he choose to do it on this day on purpose? Is this date special?

Im overanalyzing here so this may be a stretch, but: Could that be the day Eva died? Think about it. Him splitting himself was a "rebirth" of sorts: discarding his humanity to become a full demon in search of ultimate power.

Vergil being stabbed by those demons the day Eva died could also be counted as a kind of rebirthing for him: In the span of a few hours, he lost everything. His family, his life. And maybe even, his full humanity, as he gained his DT form in that moment too (shown by him having the same triggered-style eyes Dante uses when threatening V toward the start, also (half)triggered.) No longer was he a mere human boy, but now half a devil - the things that killed his family - too.

Knowing Vergil, it could make sense. In DMC 3 he's quite proper and a bit sentimental, much more so than Dante and i can see him caring more for these kinds of niche details in his life a lot more than Dante too. I also think he may have still been in that mindset when coming out of the Nelo Angelo body (however that happened), in a way that he hasnt really grown or matured while he was Nelo Angelo due to all the mind-fuckery performed thanks to Mundus.

(Could also be clarification for the reason Vergil still looks so young, quote "because of how much time he's spent in the underworld compared to Dante". He didnt live there, certainly not by choice. But he was captured and tortured by Mundus for 10 years. My thoughts is that he's technically still in his teenage body, as becoming Nelo Angelo and being in the underworld for so long thanks to Mundus halted (or at least very significantly slowed) the aging process. Time could move slower in hell but thats a rant for another time, ive gone off track.)

As such, him choosing such a special (traumatic) date to essential commit suicide on doesnt seem like much of a reach to me. Vergil has always been methodic. He doesn't do things hap-hazardly and never has, even as Nelo Angelo when he invites Dante outside to set up a proper fight rather than just taking the opportunity and attacking in the bedroom.

Of course you can argue it was coincidence, and he just stumbled across Nero by chance and decided to do it right then and there. He had to have found Nero first of all, figured out his plan of attack (probably so he wouldnt draw unwanted attention and possibly be stopped), then actually put it into motion. He couldnt exactly control the date Nero happened to be in the right place at the right time and gave him an opening. Im not trying to convince or anything, just sharing ideas, But wouldn't it just be so in character for april 30th to be a special date for him??

Overall i at least think the reason he chose to do it at the house was intentional for reasons stated above. If it wasnt, then why didn't he just... idk, find an alleyway or something and split himself there?

Those are my thoughts. Id love to hear other people's theories and such on this too.

(EDIT: I REALIZED THE MOMENT HE SPLITS HIMSELF ALSO PROBABLY HAPPENS AT A SPECIFIC TIME AS WELL, NAMELY 6:00 PM.

It mustve taken him some time to get back to the house. Not hours, but not seconds. 15 minutes seems like a good amount of travel time for someone who can teleport using portals alongside a bit of walking. If he got there early he could've just waited too.

A specific date, april 30th, and at (likely) exactly 6:00pm. In VOV while it is black and white, i assume the attack happened late into the evening, since the sky is dark when he gets back to the house a bit later. Idk how he would've known that it was exactly 6:00 but... anyway, Mundus also seems like the type of guy to plan shit, especially an attack like he did to Eva and the twins, if that whole "eva died on april 30th" thing was true.)

[bleue-flora]

idk if this is the correct place but i wanted to talk a bit about this and wanted to see you opinion bc I like you analisys on canon a lot.

A big question people have with the lore about cstagedduo it's that if cpunz actually cared for cdream or not- The same with crivals after prison break but that's for another day- and if cpunz would have helped cdream out the prison if he took too long.

I personally think it's a more grey anwser. We know cpunz cares, yeah they are small moments but he does care for cdream. He wouldnt be defensive over the fact they are friends in the ending and let cdream speak to ctommy without protesting to him and still be worried he and cdream both escape the nuke together if he didnt care for him. But it is true he left cdream make his crazy plan of making everyone hate him and insolating himself for god knows how much time they expected the imprisionment to last. And that he left cdream alone a lot in the prison after the prison break while everyone on the server wanted him death. But i think this is more of a fucked up vision cpunz has than signs of lack of care. He cares about cdream but he also trusts his plan is working and he can handle himself just fine and that he's totally not in a bad mental state. He's also on board with the plan so of course if he wants to recolect knowledge and power and trust his friend to know what he is doing, he will in favor of this even if we know as viewers this is a bad idea in all aspects.

Cpunz has flaws as a friend and characther but I do think he cares about cdream. It would have sense if he didnt for me. At the end there's lots of friendships that are pretty grey and imperfect on the dsmp, Like c!clingyduo exist

As far as the prison goes, it is hard to say. How long would have been too long? And how did he not know about Quackity’s torture when it was’t like he was trying to hide it or anything. I think it comes down to trust. Specifically, Punz’s trust and faith in Dream. I’ve talked about it before, but in the stream we get of the two by themselves, Dream is filling Punz in on his plans, but not all of it. Just enough for Punz to understand what his part to play in it is. So, I don’t think Punz really knew what Dream was subjecting himself to, not to mention that things did not go as planned. Sure, while Dream considered all the possible things that could go wrong, like losing two lives and someone coming to torture him, that doesn’t mean Punz knew that and allowed Dream to go through with it. I feel like the perception a lot of times with Punz is that he is like a viking helping an older person up a mountain only to have him jump off. I think we give Punz too much credit to say he saw the big picture just because Dream did. I more so get the impression that he’s by Dream’s side and helping him climb or go wherever he needs to go not necessarily focused on where they are going, because he believes in what Dream believes, he wants what Dream wants, and be trusts Dream as his friend, who is clever and has never given him reason to question him before. 

Because of this trust, there is also an element of betrayal. If he pulls the plug and makes plans to rescue him from prison, he is going against Dream, he is doubting him. If he makes a move to end things without Dream’s support, he is expressing that he doesn’t believe in Dream and not only does that seem like something Punz would not want to risk, but also the reason he looks so bad is because of the conditions of the prison. But see, I don’t think he got to see it before Dream’s incarceration, so he isn’t aware of how inhumane it is. Sure, he likely heard from Bad, but Punz is probably also aware that Dream could be just manipulating Bad so how trust worthy is he. 

We as an outsider perspective can see Dream breaking at the seams, but the other characters certainly aren’t aware of it, so it’s a little unfair to say Punz would either. Dream has been formidable, always prepared, planned out, 10 steps ahead, why would Punz have any reason to doubt Dream in prison? Punz is also one to follow orders, he’s a mercenary after all. You pay him $10 bucks to log off and he will, why would he defy orders, especially if he didn’t know how bad it was. Hell, maybe Dream was supposed to use Ranboo to send a message to Punz if things went wrong, but after Ranboo stopped visiting that was no longer an option, but that Punz necessarily knew about that. So maybe Punz was just sitting on his hands waiting for the go ahead to do something. 

Now after prison, when Dream is such a wreck, is when we see Punz more so go off script. We see him give a passionate, detailed proposition to Purpled (that there’s no way Dream signed off of as it makes him look bad) and we see him reveal he has the revive book to clingy duo and bring Dream back in front of them. Because after prison, when it is revealed just how “south” Dream’s plan went, Punz more takes things into his own hands, especially when it comes to Dream’s well being as Dream can clearly not be trusted to look after that. 

A lot of people seem to get the impression that they did not spend a lot of time together, but see I don’t think that’s true. For starters, there is the "we" in this [clip] where it seems to me that Punz is helping to lead them to the saw trap room almost like he helped make it. Secondly, according to the map [post], placing Vik and Lazar’s experiments after prison this leads us to figure they at least spend a lot of time working together on that. If Dream is to be believed in the finale, months even. And Punz’s protective behavior seen no clearly than this moment [post] makes me more so inclined to believe Punz doesn’t leave him alone for long, especially with everyone out to kill him. I mean he can’t stay at the prison full time, he still has a cover to maintain, but just because he’s in his house in the finale, I don’t think means he kept his distance from Dream, especially after everything with Las Nevadas.

Then as far as the plan goes, we really don’t know even what it is, nonetheless if Punz fought against it. I think Punz stayed by his side and he had the same goals as Dream and they did things together, but that doesn’t mean that he trusted Dream fully after prison or didn’t push back on Dream’s self destruction or that if they survived the nuke that he would continue the plan without Dream. Like I mean this in the nicest way possible, but Punz to me seems to be more so a follower, akin to Tubbo, loyal even if maybe they should hold their friend back from doing something stupid (except Dream is a liar and good at making his stupid seem smart lol making the situation worse). Punz isn’t like Techno, who will call out Dream’s bs, he isn’t the mastermind or thinking 10 steps ahead or seeing the big picture, he’s following Dream who does. He and Dream have been friends from the start, he and Dream want the same things, and he trusts and believes in Dream...

And yes, I think this is apart of what makes their friendship flawed, unbalanced, and tragic, but as you said, so are the other friendships on the dsmp and honestly, so are friendships in real life...

(anyways... I've talked a lot about staged duo, so if I didn't say or explain it here I may have said it somewhere else like in one these other posts: [<> <> <> <> <>] though their dynamic has been shifting in my brain a bit since noticing the map so...)

[lotus-pear]

going to sleep now but do you want to know more is more possible that ivantill wasnt unrequired love, it was unrealized love (but you can interpret was you wish either way) its canon that Till loved Mizi more like an idea of the person she was, that he didnt truly knew her (like Sua did) and actually, have a "deep conection with ivan by them "collinding and having a deep love-hate attachment" and them there are the phrases that I send you "thank you for being the victim of my shallow emotions" by ivan (it was what he was thinking when he was killed) and damn HIS LOVE CERTAINLY ISNT SHALLOW but he treats like it is, in a way to protect himself probably, looking at the surface and also knowing what was underneath and then we have till's phrase abt "hate is easier than a word as vague as love" but love isnt the opposite of hate, they go hand by hand and atill doesnt want to admit to himself what he trully feels, what he could feel, bc love is incertain, it could leave you vulnerable, and he coudnt afford that for himself (also, note how it is hate in his phrase, and by the translation abt ivan and till relashionship was also "deep love-hate" prbly wasnt hate actually, or till just wanted to think it was)

the idea that ivantill isn't unrequited love but rather romantically one-sided with till harboring no romantic feelings but ultimately holding ivan dear regardless is canon BUT some part of me would like to think that till's feelings are unrealized like you said

till idolizes mizi and places her on a pedestal like a goddess, something out of his reach that he cannot touch bc it is holy and divine...something a normal boy like him could never hope to love, and it's precisely bc of that infatuation that he won't be able to love her

ivan on the other hand is an equal but ultimately someone who till cannot lover either because he forcefully puts up a barrier that lets him distance himself from people he could end up caring too much about

[drdemonprince]

For the kink thing. As an Autistic person, I was restrained sometimes in elementary school, possibly early middle school because I was forced to put up with the classroom environment for the convenience of the school systems I've been in instead of being allowed to just go outside and not put up with people inside. It's hilarious to me that people try to defend restraining above all else instead of as like, a last resort in genuine emergencies where a kid could hurt another, because I ended up developing kink and fetishes around it that I've still got in my late 20s. Could you imagine the pandemonium over restraint defenders having to contend with defending the sexual side of restraint. Where there's adults giving kids all sorts of sexual fantasies and urges just so they can write on a sheet of paper about who threw tea into what harbor as a precursor to a revolutionary war? Especially when there's alternatives like just letting the kid read the textbook alone outside or something? Sorry if mentioning this interaction between adults and kids is uncomfortable but that's literally what happened to me. I honestly have no idea if that restraint can be defined as csa or if what happened to me counts as that, maybe that got normalized for me. You're a mental health expert you'd probably know.

Thank you so much for sharing about this anon. Before I respond let me clarify that I'm not the mental health expert, I'm a dude with a research PhD who's been in enough academic psychological spaces to recognize that most of what gets passed around as knowledge in our field are just pre-existing cultural biases with fancy scientific terms slapped on top of them.

What you experienced was abuse and coercion, and whether we deem that as sexual or not doesn't necessarily make a difference in terms of how bad and violating that it is. We also can't know for sure whether your kink came from this abuse, but that doesn't change the wrongness of the abuse or of how violating it must feel to enjoy sex that always harkens back to your abuse. You had a traumatic experience that has lingering effects, including being reminded of your abuse during sex, and that tells us all we need to know -- that you were hugely violated and that the violation lingers and affects how safe you feel in your body especially during sex.

Talking about the origins of fetishes is always tricky and fraught, some people in the kink world find that conversation endlessly fascinating, and others reject the importance of it entirely, but I think regardless of where one stands on that issue, it is useful for abuse survivors to be able to talk about how they have eroticized their mistreatment and the complex messy feelings that they have about that. not everyone gets a fetish from abuse, but for those of us who do experience a linkage, talking about it feels really important.

And when it comes to that dynamic, you certainly are not alone. I tend to think that much of my fetish for psychological coercion and mind control is strongly linked to growing up in an emotionally and psychologically repressive environment. Being expected to not only behave but to think and feel in a very narrow range of acceptable ways did a real number on me. as did being (forgive the term) groomed to serve as my parents' sole emotional companion and confidant. i didnt under go official ABA but i was conditioned to comply. and my body, the tricky little fucker that it is, has coped with that history by eroticizing it.

I'm actually really grateful to my body for having made lemonade out of this lemon. I could feel ashamed that my early experiences 'broke' me into only finding controlling and manipulative interactions arousing. and I could meet this need in an indirect, internally conflicted way, say by only dating people who actually are abusive because they're the only ones who really get me fired up enough to sexually respond. And I did do that, until my mid twenties. and it was very damaging to me, but not because what i desired sexually was bad. but because i was ashamed and i wasn't treating myself with respect, and those things are bad.

What works far better for me is being open about my fantasies and finding consenting adults with whom to play them out, and to educate myself on how to go about fulfilling them in a safer way. Or I can at least inform myself of the risks and the rewards and make reasoned decisions about them. that's good too.

That's all a long aside though. let's talk about you. I fucking hate that our educational system prizes compliance above learning. You're absolutely right, you could have just read a book about class subjects out in the grass far away from anybody and it's awful that instead you were locked into an overwhelming room and then physically restrained when you couldn't cope with it.

That kind of shit can really fray a person's relationship to their body and their notions of consent and that DOES affect their sexual relationships no matter what. ABA therapy grooms kids for being abused and for staying silent when they are sexually assaulted.

it can be a wonderful thing that your body coped with that lemon by making you the lemonade of a restraint kink, if you want it to be. But you're not any less enlightened or healed or whatever if you don't want to engage with that or if it's too triggering to. It makes sense that recognizing that your sexuality is linked to your abuse makes you feel gross and weird.

For me, what works is engaging with the kinks that scratch that powerful itch, and then engaging in aftercare, and not bothering myself with ideas about my fantasies making me broken or being ashamed of them or what have you. But from where you're sitting, you obviously have every right to be angry that perhaps your abuse was what saddled you with this kink, and that regardless of whereever the kink came from, your abuse means that enjoying the kind of sex you like is also linked to something horrible that happened to you.

I wish that we could have real, open conversations about this with the child restraint defenders and the child abuse apologists and every supporter of ABA. I would love to see their skin crawl with the realization that the abuse they put children through is so harrowing and world-shifting that some kids brains have to erect entire psychosexual defenses around them in order to cope. i get why you want to really throw that in their faces and make them feel as horrified as they always deserve to feel about advocating for this stuff.

But their reaction of horror would come with the implication that having a kink or a fetish is some kind of pathology, and obviously that's not an idea we buy into around here. it's not good for any queer people or disabled people to really make that claim. And in reality, the people you might want to share that information with, in a spirit of righteous indignation, would not actually be moved or persuaded by it. because they never cared about intellectual consistency or the consent of kids ever in the first place.

thanks again for the message, I'm sure it will bring a lot of self recognition to more people than you'll even realize.

[lyss-sketchbox]

if u saw the new trailer whats ur opinion?

im very excited for skirk,,,,

OH BUDDY YOUVE OPENED THE FLOODGATES CUZ IVE BEEN SPAMMING MY FRIEND WITH THEORIES LIKE HFJDJDJDJ I WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME

Obvious spoilers for the fontaine archon quest in general for my thoughts and interpretations

Okay FIRST OF ALL NEUVI SENTENCING FURINA TO DEATH.

Okay so refer to what neuvi said at the end of Act 4 where 'all sovereigns are not im full dragonhood and it can only happen IF THEIR ARCHON DISAPPEARS'. I was hoping that Furina would somehow relinquish the gnosis or her godhood to Neuvi to let him be full dragonhood and stop the flood and WELL THIS LINES UP.

1) arlecchino did say furina was not archon like or has something wrong with her, 2) her playable character model HAS A VISION!!!!!!! 3) Iirc but her promo art, the one with the white bg with nation symbols on it, people say that it didnt have the symbols an archon would.

She's DEFINITELY losing her godhood here somehow and man. MAN IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT

Second of all FURINA or should i say the HYDRO ARCHON as a whole

She sounded MAD when she stated she wanted to use her own trial to show the world the true meaning of justice. This leads me to believe that focalors DOES have some sort of multiple sides/personalities to her. Especially with her announcing HER OWN TRIAL through the 3rd person.

And well one of these sides is either Egeria's manifestation or furinas actual 'TRUE lady justice' side. A bit of a stretch but one of the official art in the livestream is multiple depictions of furina so it can be a lil nudge ya know.

NEUVILLETTE!!!! NEUVI NEUVI NEUVI!!!

MAN ID KILL TO SEE THIS MAN IN ACTION FULLY ANIMATED, LET HIM BE FULL DRAGON AND KICK ASS!!!!! IM BEGGING YOU HOYOVERSE LET HIM BE MORE AWESOME!!!!

Okay this man definitely was acquainted to Egeria in some way and this extends to Furina as well (BECAUSE HE LOOKS SO SAD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO CRACK THIS MANS FACADE). I like to believe that Egeria and Neuvi might have a sort of Mentor/mentee/passing of the torch relationship. Because in so far everytime we hear Egeria, she talks to neuvi as if to hope that he will learn to understand humanity or learn his purpose or find SOMETHING (i forgot exactly what she says). But yeah he clearly holds her to high regard and that sentiment might extend to furina either because Egeria entrusted Neuvi with Furina, his loyalty to Egeria and Fontaine, or Furina just reminded him of Egeria and regardless of the trial still didn't want harm to come to his archon.

Okay a step back, we know that neuvi has holes about his past when he came to the world as the sovereign successor. And his line (i think its his idk) 'i seem to remember now... this trial is...' could be a call back of something Egeria told him from the past.

I firmly believe that this prophecy was actually a trial for NEUVILLETTE and not FURINA. It could be a final trial for him and his understanding of his position as chief justice and humanity. WHICH would tie into Egeria's line

and neuvi's line

Finally the GNOSIS

Okay the most obvious place is in the Oratrice. I feel like because Egeria isn't truly dead (from the who Amrita thing), it's possible that she lives in the Oratrice where she guides Neuvi and Furina. That's why it seems like it has its own conciousness and agenda. It's why it falsely accused Childe (and presumably Furina too). It might be why neuvi i think says this.

Anyways theres NO WAY the gnosis is staying in the oratrice lmao. There's bound to be a power transfer, the oratrice might be dead or dismantled because of its previous 'wrong' accusation for childe. And well im very much hoping it goes to Neuvi where he'll finally have his own meaning of Justice and no longer needs the assistance of the Oratrice to make judgements

I dont have much to say about Skirk, im most certainly looking forward to skirk childe interaction. Im guessing shes there at the abyss side either for the Narssizkruenz (fack spelling) ordo relation or well.. the gnosis. Im taking a random guess that she and the abyss might take away the gnosis to prevent celestia from descending early because fontaine is giving back the power they stole from a sovereign back to him.

ANYWAYS IM HYPED IM SO INSANE WAAAAAAAAAA